Tuesday, February 8, 2011

terrorist me :-X

So I hear if you are falsely accused as a terrorist and if ultimately proven to be an innocent lamb, you can get compensation money of up to 8 crores. Yes, it’s true.

Dr.Haneef, a Bangalore resident, who was wrongly detained in 2007 by Australian police on a terror charge, was found to be innocent after investigation of three years and finally compensated with a sum of Rs.8 crores. After reading about this news , I am seriously considering the above option to be a wealthy ‘single white female’ ;)

The worst that can happen is you will not be proven to be innocent and therefore taken to Guantanamo Bay for detention, made to eat shit and dumped in the ice cold North Pacific Ocean where you will be eaten by killer whales and your bones will get stuck in some coral reef and at last you will end up in the collection of some marine biologist.

I started thinking about innovative methods to fool everyone into thinking that I am a terrorist. The only idea which was coming to my mind was to drive a plane straight into a skyscraper. But for that I should know to drive a plane, so that plan was aborted. The next idea was to act like a suicide bomber. But this image of the bomb accidently getting blown off becos am poor in math and I didn’t calculate properly kept coming to my mind. So aborted that plan also. Befriend a random Muslim on the street and pledge him my support. That did not seem fair, all muslims are not terrorists. So aborted that plan also. Make some statements criticizing governments policy on Kashmir? Who in the world is waiting for me to make statements. Sigh! After all these useless thoughts I came up with an idea. I have prepared a blue print also. Here is how you execute them step by step..

1. Message a friend saying Pakistan was the one who actually won the Kargil war.

2. Use my neighbour , retired SP’s contacts to make somebody tap my phone.

3. eventually by seeing anti india comments on my messages, police will come to arrest me

4. investigations start on my alleged links with laksher-e-toiba

5. maybe I will have to stay in tihar jail for a few months.(nothing to panic there, I heard its actually fun there, what with video games and campus recruitments and stuff)

6. consult a lawyer and fix him to fight for my innocence(maybe 1 or 2 crores will be lost as his fees)

7. finally win the lawsuit and settle for an out of the court settlement with an undisclosed amount.

What say!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Sad, poor Indians!!

Why a revolution like in Egypt is not possible in India

1. By the time we get ready to overthrow one evil man, another one props up and we are confused!

2. those who step out wont reach decided spot on time due to traffic.

3. no place to accommodate all of us, those possible squares are also under redevelopment

4. even if we mobilize every1 somehow, at the last minute some states would want everyone to raise slogans in their language only.

5. CBI would start investigation and take another 50 years by which time we would be dead or in wheel chair!

6. atleast 50 among us would turn out to be suicide bombers.

7. all of us would want to take a break in between for the world cup and then the IPL.

8. Some evil men like B’glore CM, would perform witchcraft against us and all of us would turn into frogs.

9. a stampede occurs and we are all dead.

10. people just keep writing about these things in blogs and actually don’t do anything substantial about it!

(again inspired by the same worthless paper)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The only important news that has cought my attention this week is , no not the Raja of corruption, but it’s Monalisa. She has been in news for all the wrong reasons. A new set of researchers has claimed to have found out the secrets behind Monalisa and her intriguing smile. For those ignorant there has been many theories running around on who was the actual monalisa, some say

1. davinci did a self portrait (he wanted to see himself as a female or what!!)
2. it was his secret lover , wife of a wealthy merchant

3. his own mother

4. just a model and etc etc..

But the new news is that monalsia was the gay lover of the painter . Duh!!!!
There falls the admiration :(  Arent these people annoying, why would they want to drop something out like this. Now everyone seems to be gay. Ya seriously, I was sort of ready to die for ricky martin, and then one fine morning he declares that he likes only men. And I’m almost sure that Karan Johar who has made immemorable romantic movies is one among them. Lets come back to our dear monalisa who is been sittng there with folded hands and a sly smile which says get the hell out of my sight u morons ,don’t you have any important work to do, go save the planet

So who is the dude , lucky one eh?

The head of the research team Mr.Vinceti says he is Gian Giacomo Caprotti -- aka Salai -- an apprentice and a longtime companion of Leonardo's. Caprotti worked with Leonardo for more than two decades starting in 1490.

I have nothing more to say. His life , his choice.   : |
Now you got what that enigmatic smile means right? :)