So I hear if you are falsely accused as a terrorist and if ultimately proven to be an innocent lamb, you can get compensation money of up to 8 crores. Yes, it’s true.
Dr.Haneef, a Bangalore resident, who was wrongly detained in 2007 by Australian police on a terror charge, was found to be innocent after investigation of three years and finally compensated with a sum of Rs.8 crores. After reading about this news , I am seriously considering the above option to be a wealthy ‘single white female’ ;)
The worst that can happen is you will not be proven to be innocent and therefore taken to Guantanamo Bay for detention, made to eat shit and dumped in the ice cold North Pacific Ocean where you will be eaten by killer whales and your bones will get stuck in some coral reef and at last you will end up in the collection of some marine biologist.
I started thinking about innovative methods to fool everyone into thinking that I am a terrorist. The only idea which was coming to my mind was to drive a plane straight into a skyscraper. But for that I should know to drive a plane, so that plan was aborted. The next idea was to act like a suicide bomber. But this image of the bomb accidently getting blown off becos am poor in math and I didn’t calculate properly kept coming to my mind. So aborted that plan also. Befriend a random Muslim on the street and pledge him my support. That did not seem fair, all muslims are not terrorists. So aborted that plan also. Make some statements criticizing governments policy on Kashmir? Who in the world is waiting for me to make statements. Sigh! After all these useless thoughts I came up with an idea. I have prepared a blue print also. Here is how you execute them step by step..
1. Message a friend saying Pakistan was the one who actually won the Kargil war.
2. Use my neighbour , retired SP’s contacts to make somebody tap my phone.
3. eventually by seeing anti india comments on my messages, police will come to arrest me
4. investigations start on my alleged links with laksher-e-toiba
5. maybe I will have to stay in tihar jail for a few months.(nothing to panic there, I heard its actually fun there, what with video games and campus recruitments and stuff)
6. consult a lawyer and fix him to fight for my innocence(maybe 1 or 2 crores will be lost as his fees)
7. finally win the lawsuit and settle for an out of the court settlement with an undisclosed amount.